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You might feel that
many Japanese say “I’m sorry” too often in your lessons. For example, “I’m sorry
that I can’t understand what you are saying.” I wonder if this makes sense to
you. You may think that the student is doing nothing wrong by apologizing to
you. As for me, I often use “Sumimasen” in Japanese, which means “I’m sorry.”
When I want to make an order in a restaurant, I say to a waiter, “Sumimasen.” I
know it sounds odd in this situation in English. Actually, why do we Japanese
say “I’m sorry” or “Sumimasen” so often? Well, that seems to be a tough question
for me to answer, but let me try to explain...
Japanese value keeping harmonious
relations with others. In other words, we tend to give higher priority to group
interests over that of individual interests. Therefore, we try to avoid rocking
the boat not being so forthright. Keeping a low posture by being apologetic in
many cases, like bowing, is one of our methods for creating and maintaining
harmonious relationships with others.
The word "Sumimasen",
has a wide range of meanings or implications. For instance, when I call a
business assistant of mine, he always says, “Hi Hiroto-san. Sumimasen!” before I
say one word.:-) Personally, I also say the word when my clients offer my
business a contract. So, as you know, “Sumimasen” is not only an apology but
also hello, thank you, excuse me, good-bye, etc.
So you might feel a
Japanese-style apology is a mere formality rather than a true apology. That’s
true; we Japanese also place an importance on formality indeed. However, it
doesn’t mean that we don’t say sorry from the bottom of our hearts. Perhaps you
also believe that apologizing implies that one admits his or her failure or
responsibility for something. Yes, in particular legal cases, we have to
carefully consider this interpretation of the act of apologizing. But the
connotations of apologies vary case by case. In a nutshell, we Japanese use
”Sumimasen/I’m sorry” in various contexts.
Actually, we realize
that troubles still exist despite the fact that we very often use “I’m sorry,”
as the following words demonstrate: “We wouldn’t need police if apologies
resolved troubles.” However, at the same time, apologizing is one of the best
methods of avoiding confrontations among people.
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